I had hoped to keep this blog far more positive than the entries from last year, but a crushing realization today regarding my social life places me in a dark place once more, something that some reader will react to with a negative comment below at some point. Basically I'm the sort of hopeless perfectionist who can have a good day until one thing happening during that day ruins everything that happened before it never to recover until hopefully the next day. In other words I can have a 99% smooth time, but dwell on the 1% or one element in which I failed. I know that's a sick way to look at an imperfect world, but I still do and obviously have self-loathing issues emanating from that problem.
Today, I was rejected on my third try to make a social connection through an online dating site, or so I assume. I call it a rejection because one day after I sent an e-mail to a lady in central Kentucky who caught my eye, her profile at that dating site was suddenly no longer available for view. No I wasn't blocked or given any actual e-mail response indicating no interest, but the next best thing I guess. Two other ladies I e-mailed at another online dating site each rejected my e-mails (one earlier this month and another in September 2011) by either never responding or deleting the contact. I know what I want and am looking for in a woman to hopefully end up married to, but it seems those ladies are NEVER even remotely interested in me as a person. The contacts I get from women on these sites are from those I'M not the least bit interested in every time, so I guess that makes me a choosy beggar looking for the right date and nothing less. The only way I will ever get a woman I'm truly interested in is if I become popular in fiction writing and possibly the next new 21st Century best seller, but then of course some golddigging female would be interested only in the fame and not the person behind the writing, and I don't want that empty sort of relationship.
For now I seem to only attract the attention of what I uncharitably label as damaged goods (women who have already had their first choice in men and were disappointed or unexpectedly widowed, or have out-of-wedlock children). I don't believe in luck, but if I did could say luck has never been with me in life. God certainly seems to hate all my dreams in life, and I feel cursed to remain alone. I don't want a ready made family by becoming the stepparent responsible for some other man's mistakes. I knew a nice guy who married a divorced woman, whose ex-husband swore the woman's son wasn't his (possibly just to beat any child support payment), and he adopted the child only to have her divorce him a year later and he was stuck with child support for a stepson after that. I guess my ideal woman (and this is impossible to find in our modern pornographically-saturated oversexed culture) is someone who I could safely say is untouched, so that on my wedding night I would be able to boldly go where no man has gone before - if you get my meaning as in she would be the v-word.
I realized I inteded to end the toxic negative commentary posted here, but today's defeat has put me into a darker place for now. Maybe next time I can have better news about the seeming wast of time that is my life on Earth. I apologize for this deviation from sunshine and rainbows.
Today, I was rejected on my third try to make a social connection through an online dating site, or so I assume. I call it a rejection because one day after I sent an e-mail to a lady in central Kentucky who caught my eye, her profile at that dating site was suddenly no longer available for view. No I wasn't blocked or given any actual e-mail response indicating no interest, but the next best thing I guess. Two other ladies I e-mailed at another online dating site each rejected my e-mails (one earlier this month and another in September 2011) by either never responding or deleting the contact. I know what I want and am looking for in a woman to hopefully end up married to, but it seems those ladies are NEVER even remotely interested in me as a person. The contacts I get from women on these sites are from those I'M not the least bit interested in every time, so I guess that makes me a choosy beggar looking for the right date and nothing less. The only way I will ever get a woman I'm truly interested in is if I become popular in fiction writing and possibly the next new 21st Century best seller, but then of course some golddigging female would be interested only in the fame and not the person behind the writing, and I don't want that empty sort of relationship.
For now I seem to only attract the attention of what I uncharitably label as damaged goods (women who have already had their first choice in men and were disappointed or unexpectedly widowed, or have out-of-wedlock children). I don't believe in luck, but if I did could say luck has never been with me in life. God certainly seems to hate all my dreams in life, and I feel cursed to remain alone. I don't want a ready made family by becoming the stepparent responsible for some other man's mistakes. I knew a nice guy who married a divorced woman, whose ex-husband swore the woman's son wasn't his (possibly just to beat any child support payment), and he adopted the child only to have her divorce him a year later and he was stuck with child support for a stepson after that. I guess my ideal woman (and this is impossible to find in our modern pornographically-saturated oversexed culture) is someone who I could safely say is untouched, so that on my wedding night I would be able to boldly go where no man has gone before - if you get my meaning as in she would be the v-word.
I realized I inteded to end the toxic negative commentary posted here, but today's defeat has put me into a darker place for now. Maybe next time I can have better news about the seeming wast of time that is my life on Earth. I apologize for this deviation from sunshine and rainbows.