Some more musings about my disappointments in the world of online dating and reflections on the flaws in myself are all that come to mind today for posting a column here. The following may contain unkind and unflattering remarks regarding me generally or the women who seem to review my profiles at online dating sites, so, dear reader, don't get too offended when reading anything below this paragraph.
I recently read an opinion about finding true love through online dating in which the disgruntled male poster at a complaint message board likened finding such a member of the opposite sex to shopping for a Christmas toy (admittedly objectifying women by the comparison). He suggested a man should get his desired toy early in the shopping season (i. e. high school or college) of life, because if you don't the store selection will be low, all the best toys having been bought up early, with only unwanted or returned toys to choose from left for the late buyer. This reality has hit me hard between the eyes in the past few months, realizing that the best opportunities should have been achieved when I was 16-24 years of age, not 43. There were a few candidates, all missed connections, subtle or direct rejections - one especially when I was 18 that scarred me inside to this very day. Joining three different online sites as a paid member only reinforced that message board poster's point as I will explain in the next paragraph.
When in high school, it seemed the only sorts of women who were possibly interested in me were older (perhaps just toying with me for sex - with the intention of making a boy into a man sort of casual connection), unattractive wallflowers (one in particular I later learned had a crush on me) or overweight (and possibly nice, but also being overweight then I wanted the opposite like in those sitcom fantasies of heavy man marries hot chick out of his league variety). My personality and eccentricity also were barriers to charming girls I wanted to date, along with being rather overweight and painfully shy (especially after one nervous breakdown suffered in 1981-82). So losing 50 pounds did nothing to attract this one girl less than two years my junior who later graduated her class' valedictorian. I tried being surly my senior year in high school, but just came off as angry and not the charming bad boy other boys could I knew could pull off when I couldn't. That same girl tried being my friend, but I rejected that out of confused feelings about her at first, not wanting a buddy with nice tits and she had a boyfriend I felt was in my way. Later when I knew I wanted to date her, she broke my heart having started dating one of my former best friends. In college, I missed some good opportunities and could never make romantic connections with any woman I desired (even the last one who was 8 years my senior).
In online dating, I only seem to attract attention from somewhat older women (I want my wife to be younger than me, but not so young she could've been my hypothetical biological daughter's age - no robbing the cradle for me), divorced women with or without children (I know some passages from the Bible indicating God considers remarriage after divorce as adultery - one sin He expressly forbids in the Ten Commandments), single mothers (in general I refuse to take on the responsbility of some other man's children with their baby momma - I knew someone who did and the poor fellow had to pay child support when she divorced him as husband #2 one year after they married), or other undesirable women who cannot get any man (usually overweight - I refuse to marry any lady who weighs more than I do - sorry, just can't stand the thought of it). All this makes me sound like a monster, but I know what I want in a soul mate. God knows I've created enough variations on the sort of woman I seek in my fiction, but I guess every writer creates an ideal in prose.
I guess God will just have to drop this hypothetical soulmate in my lap (perhaps literally with the lack of attention I pay to things around me in missing out on opportunities). Online dating seems to offer me off-the-rack choices when I want something custom-made to fit into my life, and depressing, ugly real life just doesn't work that way.
I recently read an opinion about finding true love through online dating in which the disgruntled male poster at a complaint message board likened finding such a member of the opposite sex to shopping for a Christmas toy (admittedly objectifying women by the comparison). He suggested a man should get his desired toy early in the shopping season (i. e. high school or college) of life, because if you don't the store selection will be low, all the best toys having been bought up early, with only unwanted or returned toys to choose from left for the late buyer. This reality has hit me hard between the eyes in the past few months, realizing that the best opportunities should have been achieved when I was 16-24 years of age, not 43. There were a few candidates, all missed connections, subtle or direct rejections - one especially when I was 18 that scarred me inside to this very day. Joining three different online sites as a paid member only reinforced that message board poster's point as I will explain in the next paragraph.
When in high school, it seemed the only sorts of women who were possibly interested in me were older (perhaps just toying with me for sex - with the intention of making a boy into a man sort of casual connection), unattractive wallflowers (one in particular I later learned had a crush on me) or overweight (and possibly nice, but also being overweight then I wanted the opposite like in those sitcom fantasies of heavy man marries hot chick out of his league variety). My personality and eccentricity also were barriers to charming girls I wanted to date, along with being rather overweight and painfully shy (especially after one nervous breakdown suffered in 1981-82). So losing 50 pounds did nothing to attract this one girl less than two years my junior who later graduated her class' valedictorian. I tried being surly my senior year in high school, but just came off as angry and not the charming bad boy other boys could I knew could pull off when I couldn't. That same girl tried being my friend, but I rejected that out of confused feelings about her at first, not wanting a buddy with nice tits and she had a boyfriend I felt was in my way. Later when I knew I wanted to date her, she broke my heart having started dating one of my former best friends. In college, I missed some good opportunities and could never make romantic connections with any woman I desired (even the last one who was 8 years my senior).
In online dating, I only seem to attract attention from somewhat older women (I want my wife to be younger than me, but not so young she could've been my hypothetical biological daughter's age - no robbing the cradle for me), divorced women with or without children (I know some passages from the Bible indicating God considers remarriage after divorce as adultery - one sin He expressly forbids in the Ten Commandments), single mothers (in general I refuse to take on the responsbility of some other man's children with their baby momma - I knew someone who did and the poor fellow had to pay child support when she divorced him as husband #2 one year after they married), or other undesirable women who cannot get any man (usually overweight - I refuse to marry any lady who weighs more than I do - sorry, just can't stand the thought of it). All this makes me sound like a monster, but I know what I want in a soul mate. God knows I've created enough variations on the sort of woman I seek in my fiction, but I guess every writer creates an ideal in prose.
I guess God will just have to drop this hypothetical soulmate in my lap (perhaps literally with the lack of attention I pay to things around me in missing out on opportunities). Online dating seems to offer me off-the-rack choices when I want something custom-made to fit into my life, and depressing, ugly real life just doesn't work that way.